Today is a day to remember as many things happen in my house.
Well, i will not elaborate in details, but just that i feel that i'm the one that cause the problem.
Nobody knows how stress i am. Every time you see me, i give you a smile.
Maybe you might find it real, but i'm actually feigning a smile.
In secondary school, i don't feel stress at all.
People say i'm clever.(Not boasting)
But, when i enter polytechnic, i feel the stress.
Stress from friends,teachers, everyone!
I feel stupid when i mix with my friends.
The actions from them, the words they say, really make me feel dumb.
Now i feel the peer stress. :(
Every test or exam they compare marks and answers.
Every test i need to work extra hard to get a B+ or A when they just smoke through it with no sweat.
The reason why i want to do well is because i want a better job next time.
I want to get into NUS to reduce my parent's burden on my school fees.
I don't want to go overseas for university.
But then,sometimes i really doubt myself if i can do it.
This semester mst was disastrous:
Maths-40/50 (A)
Env studies- 38/50 (B+)
CGMP- 75/50(B+)
Lab management-27/50(D+)
Forensic Chem-?
Bio-process- ??
I set high expectations for myself, but no one knows the things that i'm going through.
You might think that i'm making life tough for myself, but i'm not doing things for myself!
I'm doing things for my future and for the family!
Yea i know i'm in the wrong today, i shouldn't have shown my attitude.
But i just can't control my fucking subconscious mind!
It just showed my emotion by itself.
I'm sorry!
I know you people will never read my blog, but sorry!